How to cope with husband who is short tempered/nagging due to his own handicap?
Hubby has a spinal cord injury. We are waiting on surgery but its been three years. The longer we wait for surgery because of his other health issues the crankier, short tempered, and harder he is to get along with. If I even open a window, he gets bent because he wants things done his way. Nit picks hard about everything from what type of bread to where a glass sits on the table. I am really looseing patients. How does one cope with a disable person who’s bad attitude is unavoidable.
Breaks are not an option- I have three kids, not working due to his injury, no family and no friends here. Its literally me and the kids and him. How do I maintain my own independence and way I like things without getting him upset and taking away his way of doing things..You know!!
Personal stories and experiences welcome.
Wow – this is a hard one,especially since you have no one around tp help..
I have a spinal cord injury as well,am wheelchair bound,and my oldest daughter who is now 22 took care of me for 3 years,until she couldnt take it anymore because of my temper.
She did the best thing for me – even thoug I hated her at the time for it.
I became so irate one morning that she left. She said mom I love you but you are impossable because your too busy feeling sorry for yourself to enjoy life and be thankful for what you have – I still remember those words like it was yesterday – she left for 1 1/2 days,and when she returned I was a sulking mess because I was able to see what I had been doing,she also brought a friend with her. She brought her pastor and his wife… they cleaned me up a little and got me into fresh clothes – remarkably I had realised that I could do a lot for myself during that short time – I had cooked,done dishes and freshened myself up with a sponge bath.
I started going to church,and it changed my entire life. I was able to get out,enjoy the sunshine,and be with people.
Now thats my short story – as per your husband – I know from expierience listening to logic isnt a choice.
Do you think he is depressed ???
I ask because I was.. I started going to counceling which helped a great deal,and they put me on an antidepressant – Zoloft – and along with going to church,the combination of things made such an incredable difference in my life..
I am now 40 years old – have 1 year to go before I have a degree,I work part time and also voluteer to talk and work with other adults who have spinal cord injuries.
If you cant sit and talk to your husband,then get someone to come in that can and will. Be firm and let him know the ultimatum – either he starts working with you and stops being so misserable or you take the children and leave….
summer is on the way and nice spring weather, get him out,get him to a councelor for himself and for the family..
Tell him to stop nit picking – tell him its time to grow up and deal with what life has given him.. Call your local department of social services right away !
Ask for adult services – tell them you need help asap. If your husband wont let you talk on the phone – go to there office without him..
They can help with transportation to and from appointments for him,they can help with getting respite care so yu can get out and away for a few hours a couple times a week, they can help you obtain home care help for him so you arent stuck doing it all,they can help you get daycare so you can have some you time,they can help you both get hooked up with counceling,and they willl pay for any of his medications.
They will also help you get training and a job,and daycare while your working and training,so that you can get out and be independant.
please do this and follow through no matter how your husband will hate it and maybe even you at first – he will thank you down the road.. If he is being abusive,,then its time for you to take the children and move on..
I thank god every day that my daughter walked out when she did,and I love her more today for doing that. It changed my life !!
you just need to put your foot down – he is in no position to argue – you tell him this is what your doing,this is the way its going to be,,and if you want to work to reclaim some of your independence – then go for it !!
Show this to your husband,and tell him point blank how its going to be.
He may not realise how he is acting – so if you show him this as well as the responces – it may help him see the light
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